sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I could make wine with my vomit
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
is it fun? or sober?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
