Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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