We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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