i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
