ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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