I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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