Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
