I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
