I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
