Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
