Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
