the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
