i may or may not be watching the land before time
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Your penis caused this!
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