I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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