Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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