last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
