Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
