he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize