your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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