Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
