My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think I won the penis lottery.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize