How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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