We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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