You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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