final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
