i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
