Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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