Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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