we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
