I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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