Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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