Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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