Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
