I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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