Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
