I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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