What did we do last night that was yellow?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
