The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
