We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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