The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
being pregnant is like rehab
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
