I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just want nice things and good sex
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
