I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
