he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
