Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
