Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
