OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Ketchup is God's man juice
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
