Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
