i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
