# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
