Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
