he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
