Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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