the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
