I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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