We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
