I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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