So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
