Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
