she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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