Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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