capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
