the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
