I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
