you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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