when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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