OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
