do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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